Massachusetts Cold Bitterness

jacksonkillah:

stfuparents:

Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow

Just a quick reminder to all you lovebirds since Valentine’s Day is around the corner (and boy, do I have a TON of submissions in *that* folder): Your friends do not need to know when you are literally in the midst of boning and attempting to make a baby. That’s the kind of thing you might text your girlfriend and then feel kinda dumb about saying out loud afterward. It’s certainly not the type of thing you’d tell your in-laws (well, unless you’re this woman), and it’s definitely not the type of thing you should post on Facebook. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I “can’t handle” knowing that people have sex and make babies. I fully accept and am happy for everyone in my Facebook feed who has a healthy sex life and/or is currently trying to conceive a baby. But I don’t need to know that a friend planned the occasion by reserving a room at the Fairfield Inn Marriott suites, nor do I need to know whether lubricant or foreplay were involved. I don’t need to know if the Fairfield Inn has mirrors on its ceiling (heh, yeah right) or that the couple likes to watch “Downton Abbey” to get in the mood (which would actually be hilarious). What a couple does at the Fairfield Inn Marriott suites should stay at the Fairfield Inn Marriott suites, especially since making such an announcement apparently results in reading other people’s announcements, too. Just think, if only Janelle had coordinated with Shannon in advance, they could’ve shared a suite! Frat house style! Put on a little Dave Matthews baby-making music and get to conceivin’! 

Related: One Year Ago Today,  Happy Conception Day! and It’s Official

(submitted by Anonymous)

I swear to god that if I ever saw someone make this status update, I’d reply with “Have fun fucking your husband. Be sure to pee after so you don’t get a nasty UTI. That burning sensation when you pee is a literal hellfire.”

Hey maybe they were building one in a lab